I recently attended a meeting where men dedicated to promoting the general welfare were advising their president, whose head hung heavy, weighed down by various important issues. Although it was a special moment, one of these counselors caught my attention with his relaxed and free-spirited perspective on the various problems presented.

Later, while many dedicated themselves to wine and gluttony, I continued to observe my hosts.

— Will you not partake of the meat, my brother? — the counselor interjected.

— I don’t eat meat; I’m a vegetarian.

I didn’t want to weave an explanation as complete as I usually do, so I resorted to the label, even if it doesn’t quite explain it right — in truth, I don’t consider myself a vegetarian, but I don’t eat meat either.

— Ah, I didn’t eat meat for five years either.

— I don’t eat meat for ideological reasons — I almost started the “full” explanation but gave up. — And you?

— Religious ones…

“Opa! There seems to be something interesting here,” I thought curiously.

— What ARE you, my brother?

I asked the question already expecting some label, something I would use to build his entire dossier based on my own biases.

— I was a Buddhist, before that I was a Spiritist, but now I’m not anymore.

There they were, the labels! In my head, I was already assembling an image. But there were still some aspects to investigate:

— You aren’t anymore? So, what ARE you now?

I followed up in anticipation of yet another label, using the verb TO BE as before, perhaps thinking that a man could be something static, immutable. But no.

I tried to anticipate the next moves in my mental chess: “maybe he became an atheist; maybe now he IS an evangelical; or I’ll see some new philosophy of life.”

— I decided to take some time for myself — he concluded with a bright smile. — Although that sounds a bit Buddhist, but I don’t think about that.

And he really concluded it! I don’t know if it was because my questions ceased, or if it was just because he had nothing left to say. With the same smile, he and I let the chatter of the others at the table envelop us.

That conversation was over, but I still had much to debate, at least with myself: “I decided to take some time for myself…”. This sentence kept reverberating softly in my mind like an autosuggestion. The most curious thing, at least for me, is that I wasn’t trying to understand him — it could be that he hadn’t reflected much before reaching that conclusion himself. Who knows! The fact is, I went to sleep with that thought: “time for myself.”

Upon returning home, I was warmly welcomed by the affection of my beloved wife and my little ones: we lazed around; we talked about trivialities and some important things; I scolded the boys; I played with them and watched them play together. But, every now and then, I remembered the counselor’s words.

Why couldn’t I get it out of my head? Simply because, somehow, it made perfect sense to me.

It made me reflect on everything I consider important in my life, and if it also made some sense to you, perhaps you might be interested in my journey and the reflections that came to me afterward:

I have always tried to BE something and, from a very early age, I have asked — and asked myself — important questions about my role in the universe, about the origin of things. But the life of one who seeks answers to these questions is full of demands and discomforts. The spiritual and mental comfort zone is uncomfortable for Seekers of Truth, for leaving this zone generates much insecurity and confusion. That is why we, who seek the Truth, after a while, look for masters to guide us. However, whether in religions or in philosophical schools (perhaps even in science), such masters, when they exist, do not usually show themselves or gather disciples with marketing campaigns — those who do, generally, are not masters. It is not easy to find a master.

But, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears,” right? This old saying seems to have helped me a little — after all, it is enough to become a good student. And indeed, when we become, or at least act as true disciples, we start to find lessons in almost everything.

Including in the reading of various texts — sacred or not — where other men recorded what they learned in their personal quests, and even in divine revelations. Of course, I also have my beliefs, and these bring their own teachings and wisdom, but also dogmas and prejudices, and I believe that dumping them here will do no good. If my example is good enough, perhaps they can help you, but if your will is sincere, certainly the good will be revealed to you, in spite of me.

Some of these texts showed me that we must look inside ourselves, not outside. Of course, we have good examples outside: people who seem good enough to be followed and even imitated. However, upon looking closely, we will find disappointment; we will see that even the good ends up revealing the evil it has within itself. When this happens, we end up feeding feelings that do us no good, and it may even seem that almost no one believes in what they follow, not even the “MASTERS.” Thus, I strive to observe a difficult lesson that is written as follows: “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.”

After all, we are all in search of happiness and self-realization, even when we project this happiness onto the suffering of another. Developing compassion for all beings who, like me, suffer, even when they are the cause of my suffering, is a great challenge to be overcome.

At a certain moment, the search became internal, if it ever was otherwise. If, looking at the world, we find disappointment, confusion, and negative feelings, perhaps the problem (and the solution) is not in the world, but in myself. I understood that I should try to improve myself, judging myself more and being less critical of others. I haven’t managed to do this yet (but I’m trying!), after all, judging oneself is not an easy task, perhaps because we are more accustomed to doing it to others, or perhaps it is because we fall short of our own standards.

“Our own standards…”. Long ago I understood that we judge ourselves by unfair references, and some even barely true. We want to be like our heroes, to be more correct than the majority, more honest, earn more and do more… but when we realize that we do not reach our own standards, we end up feeding various negative feelings, becoming less confident, envious, and even experiencing guilt for things for which we are sometimes not even responsible.

There! After this whole journey, I am invited to attend just one more meeting between columns already so well known, and here I am, with that thought that will accompany me for some time yet: “I decided to take some time for myself.”

Therefore, perhaps I will return to the many existential questions; perhaps there is still much for me to forgive myself for, even if I have no guilt at all; certainly, I still have many lessons to learn. But now, and for a little while longer, I am going to gift myself a small rest from everything else: I will just BE ME, without much explanation, I just DECIDED TO TAKE SOME TIME FOR MYSELF.