It is difficult to explain why I cannot accomplish certain things under the emotional roller-coaster of depression. It is common to receive criticism like “how did you lose that opportunity?!” or empty motivational advice such as “just push yourself and you’ll do it”.

There is no point in explaining. The truth is that most people do not know how to deal with emotions—not their own, and certainly not other people’s. All they want is to end the conversation.

The problem is that depression is a disability as incapacitating as any other. I have learned that it is, practically speaking, a deficiency of the will.

It is the Will that gets us up in the morning and keeps us steady. This deficiency attacks precisely the starter motor, the ability to motivate oneself. Try to imagine losing the capacity to want to react. If you can imagine that, you will understand what I am talking about.

We do get up sometimes. We draw strength from who knows where, we run, and we even fly… until a trigger or an overload throws us to the ground again. We miss deadlines; we miss appointments.

And when we ask for help, they tell a cripple that he just needs to run a marathon for everything to work out.